Things to Say During Sex [2025]: Why Words Matter in Bed

Learn things to say during sex to boost intimacy, spark passion, and build confidence. Find tips for better communication and stronger connections.

Talking during sex might feel unfamiliar at first, but it’s an incredibly effective way to enhance intimacy and pleasure. Verbal communication bridges the gap between emotional and physical connection, helping partners align their desires and feel more attuned to one another. Whether it’s a compliment, a playful phrase, or an expression of deep affection, speaking up can make each moment feel more personal and satisfying. This guide provides practical tips and examples to help you confidently incorporate verbal communication into your intimate experiences, creating a deeper bond and greater enjoyment for both you and your partner.

Table of Contents

Why Communication During Sex Matters

Open communication is a cornerstone of both emotional and physical intimacy, creating a stronger bond between partners. Talking during sex goes beyond simply sharing words—it reduces misunderstandings, boosts confidence, and reassures both people that their desires and feelings are valued. It can transform the experience, making it more collaborative and deeply satisfying.

Despite its benefits, many people hesitate to speak up due to fears of judgment, embarrassment, or saying the “wrong” thing. However, leaning into verbal expression with authenticity can break down these barriers, fostering trust and mutual understanding. By aligning expectations and openly sharing needs, communication becomes a natural and enriching part of intimacy, enhancing the connection and pleasure for both partners.

Categories of Things to Say During Sex

Dirty Talk

Dirty talk is an intimate and electrifying way to heighten arousal and create deeper physical and emotional connections. It allows you to explore desires, fantasies, and the thrill of expressing raw passion. Whether subtle or explicit, dirty talk brings an exciting dynamic to intimacy, tailored to your comfort level and relationship. It’s not just about the words themselves—it’s about tone, timing, and authenticity.

Examples:

Building Anticipation: Create desire by teasing what’s to come. Whisper, “I’ve been imagining your hands on me all day,” or, “You have no idea how badly I want you right now.” Combine words with a lingering touch or a kiss to amplify the effect.
In-the-Moment Encouragement: Reinforce pleasure with affirmations that fuel confidence and excitement. Say things like, “Yes, right there,” “Don’t stop—just like that,” or, “I love how good you make me feel.”
Expressing Desire: Dive deeper into explicit phrases to share exactly what you want. Try, “I can’t wait to feel you inside me,” “I want to taste every inch of you,” or, “I need you to take me right now.” These declarations leave no doubt about your passion.
Fantasy Play: Explore shared fantasies with imaginative scenarios. For example, “I love the idea of you taking control,” or, “I’ve always wanted you to tie me up and have your way with me.”

Tips for Getting Started:

Start Small: If you’re nervous, begin with subtle compliments or less explicit phrases, like “You’re so sexy” or “I love how you touch me.” Gradually build confidence as you get comfortable.
Use Descriptive, Sensory Language: Focus on what you see, hear, and feel. For instance, say, “I love how your skin feels against mine,” or, “Hearing you moan drives me crazy.” The more vivid and specific, the more engaging the experience.
Experiment with Sexting: If saying things out loud feels intimidating, try practicing through texts. Send playful or explicit messages like, “I can’t wait to make you moan tonight,” or, “I want you to imagine my hands all over you.” This helps build confidence in a low-pressure environment.
Match the Mood: Tailor your dirty talk to the energy of the moment. During slower, sensual intimacy, focus on descriptive and passionate phrases. In a heated moment, embrace more explicit, urgent language.

Why Dirty Talk Works:

It taps into the power of imagination and shared desire, transforming ordinary moments into deeply erotic experiences. The key is to stay present, responsive, and authentic. Over time, as you explore each other’s preferences, dirty talk can become a seamless and exhilarating part of your intimacy.

Soft Phrases

Soft phrases are an essential part of nurturing intimacy, providing emotional warmth and reassurance. They foster a sense of safety and trust, allowing both partners to feel deeply valued and connected. These gentle affirmations are especially powerful during tender moments, creating a loving atmosphere where vulnerability can flourish. They’re not just words—they’re an invitation to connect on an emotional level while enhancing the physical experience.

Examples to Try:

Compliments: Build confidence and admiration by focusing on your partner’s qualities or actions. Whisper, “You’re so beautiful,” “Your body feels incredible,” or, “I can’t stop looking at you—you’re perfect.”
Encouragement: Use phrases that affirm your partner’s efforts and guide the moment. Try saying, “You’re doing so well,” “That feels absolutely perfect,” or, “I love the way you touch me—it’s amazing.”
Emotional Affirmations: Deepen the connection by expressing feelings. For instance, “I love being close to you,” or, “This feels so right with you.”

How to Use Soft Phrases:

Pair with Physical Gestures: Match your words with meaningful actions, like stroking their hair, holding their face, or caressing their back. Physical touch amplifies the impact of your words and makes them feel more heartfelt.
Offer Reassurance: If your partner is exploring something new or feeling self-conscious, soft phrases can provide the encouragement they need. Say, “I love that you’re trying this with me,” or, “You’re amazing for opening up like this.”
Follow the Emotional Tone: Adjust your phrases to suit the moment. During slow, sensual intimacy, use loving whispers like, “You’re everything to me.” For playful or experimental moments, affirm their confidence with, “You’re doing so good—I love this.”

Why Soft Phrases Work:

Soft phrases help partners feel secure and appreciated, especially in moments of vulnerability. They also bring attention to the emotional connection, making the experience more fulfilling. Whether whispered during a slow embrace or murmured between kisses, these phrases can transform an intimate moment into something profoundly personal and loving.

By using soft phrases consistently, you’ll create a foundation of trust and closeness that enhances both emotional and physical intimacy. This type of communication shows your partner that they’re cherished—not just for what they do, but for who they are.

Loving Expressions

Loving expressions are a powerful way to deepen emotional closeness and make your partner feel cherished. These words go beyond physical attraction, emphasizing the bond you share and reaffirming your feelings. They remind your partner that intimacy is not just about the physical act but also about the love, care, and connection that bring you together. Loving expressions are particularly impactful during moments of tenderness, helping to create a sense of belonging and emotional security.

Examples to Try:

Heartfelt Declarations: Share the depth of your feelings with statements like, “I love you more than anything,” “You’re my everything,” or, “I’ve never felt this way with anyone else.”
Affirming Connection: Highlight the significance of the moment with phrases such as, “This feels so perfect with you,” or, “I’ve dreamed about this, and now it’s even better than I imagined.”
Appreciating Your Partner: Celebrate what they bring to your life, saying, “Your happiness means the world to me,” or, “You make me feel so lucky to have you.”
Expressing Gratitude: Show appreciation for the intimacy you share by whispering, “Thank you for being so open with me,” or, “I love how safe and loved you make me feel.”

When and How to Use Loving Expressions:

During Tender Moments: Loving phrases are especially meaningful in slower, romantic settings. Murmur them during soft embraces, while holding your partner’s face, or as you lie together in post-climax bliss.
While Maintaining Eye Contact: Direct eye contact can make your words feel even more genuine and impactful. Say something like, “You’re so beautiful, and I’m so lucky to have you,” while gazing into their eyes.
In Everyday Contexts: Loving expressions aren’t limited to the bedroom. Sprinkle them throughout your day to create a foundation of love and appreciation. For example, “I thought about how much I love you all day today,” or, “I feel so grateful to share my life with you.”

Why Loving Expressions Matter:

These words serve as a reminder of the emotional connection that underpins physical intimacy. They show your partner that they are more than desired—they are loved and valued. Loving expressions create a safe space for vulnerability, allowing both of you to fully open up and feel connected on every level.

By weaving loving expressions into your intimate moments, you not only heighten emotional closeness but also strengthen your overall relationship. When spoken sincerely, these phrases become a powerful tool for building trust, nurturing affection, and deepening the bond you share.

Engaging Questions

Engaging questions are a dynamic way to involve your partner in the intimate experience, encouraging collaboration and shared exploration. They go beyond simple communication, inviting both partners to express desires, preferences, and boundaries in real-time. By opening the door for feedback and mutual participation, these questions create a deeper sense of connection and help ensure that both partners feel heard, satisfied, and fully immersed in the moment.

Examples to Try:

Checking In: Questions like, “Do you like it when I do this?” or, “Is this okay for you?” help gauge comfort and pleasure while showing your attentiveness.
Inviting Feedback: Ask, “What feels best right now?” or, “Do you want me to go faster or slower?” These questions encourage your partner to guide the experience without pressure.
Exploring Desires: Spark excitement by asking, “What do you want me to do to you?” or, “Where do you want me to touch you next?” This shifts the focus to their fantasies and desires, building anticipation and arousal.
Enhancing the Mood: Incorporate more playful or seductive questions like, “Do you know how sexy you look right now?” or, “Can you feel how much I want you?” These elevate the intensity of the moment and make your partner feel desired.

Why They Work:

Fostering Teamwork: Intimacy becomes a collaborative experience when you involve your partner directly. Questions create a sense of shared control and partnership, making both individuals feel equally valued.
Providing Real-Time Feedback: Questions give you immediate insight into what’s working, allowing you to adapt and enhance your partner’s pleasure. For example, if they respond enthusiastically to a specific touch, you can build on that.
Demonstrating Attentiveness: Asking questions shows your partner that their satisfaction matters deeply to you. It communicates care, consideration, and a desire to understand their needs fully.

Tips for Asking Engaging Questions:

Use a Confident, Sensual Tone: The way you ask a question can influence its impact. Whispering, “Do you like it when I do this?” in a soft, sultry tone can make it feel intimate and arousing.
Respond to Their Answers: Follow up on your partner’s feedback to show you’re listening. If they say they like something, respond with, “I love hearing that,” or, “Let me keep doing it just the way you like.”
Be Playful and Adventurous: Questions can also be a way to introduce something new. For instance, “Have you ever wanted to try this?” or, “What’s something you’ve always fantasized about?” can open up exciting possibilities.

Why Engaging Questions Enhance Intimacy:

Engaging questions aren’t just about gathering information—they’re about creating a dialogue that deepens connection and understanding. They invite your partner to share their desires openly, fostering trust and making the experience feel truly collaborative. These questions remind both of you that intimacy is a shared journey, where mutual pleasure and satisfaction are the ultimate goals.

By blending these styles—dirty talk, soft phrases, loving expressions, and engaging questions—you can tailor your communication to suit different moods and moments, creating a richer and more dynamic connection. The key is to remain authentic and attentive, allowing your words to deepen both the emotional bond and the physical pleasure you share with your partner.

How to Build Comfort with Verbal Communication

If talking during intimacy feels unfamiliar or awkward, it’s important to approach it gradually and thoughtfully. Building comfort with verbal expression takes practice and a safe, judgment-free environment. Here are practical steps to help you ease into it with confidence:

Setting the Mood

Start by creating an atmosphere that feels private and intimate. Dim lighting, soft music, and calming scents can help both you and your partner feel more at ease. Whispering your thoughts or feelings can make speaking up feel less daunting, as the softer tone naturally blends into the moment. This setting not only relaxes you but also enhances the overall sensual experience.

Starting Slowly

Don’t feel pressured to jump into explicit language right away. Begin with simple, heartfelt compliments like, “You look incredible tonight,” or, “I love the way you feel in my arms.” These affirmations are easy to say and help set a positive tone. As your comfort grows, you can naturally progress to more descriptive or intimate phrases that feel authentic to your relationship.

Highlight Sensory Details

Sensory-focused language can be a bridge between gentle compliments and more adventurous talk. Phrases like, “I love the warmth of your skin,” or, “The way your touch feels gives me chills,” bring attention to the physical connection in a way that feels organic and flattering. Pair these expressions with physical actions—like a caress or kiss—to reinforce your words and make them feel even more impactful.

By starting small, setting a relaxed tone, and focusing on sensory details, you’ll find it easier to incorporate verbal communication into your intimate moments. Over time, it will become a natural and enjoyable part of your connection.

Overcoming Awkwardness

Feeling awkward when introducing verbal communication into intimacy is completely normal, especially if it’s something new. The key is to approach it with patience, authenticity, and a sense of humor. Here’s how to move past the initial discomfort and build confidence:

Practice Alone: Rehearse phrases in private to get comfortable with how they sound. Try saying them out loud while looking in the mirror or during moments of self-reflection. This helps you identify words that feel natural and avoid those that might come across as forced or uncomfortable.
Embrace Humor: Intimacy doesn’t have to be perfect to be enjoyable. If something you say feels awkward or doesn’t land as intended, don’t be afraid to laugh together. A shared chuckle can lighten the mood and remind you both that vulnerability is part of the process.
Stay True to Yourself: Use language that reflects your personality and the dynamic of your relationship. If bold phrases feel unnatural, stick to softer, more genuine expressions. Authenticity is far more appealing than forcing yourself into a style that doesn’t suit you.

Remember, awkwardness often stems from overthinking or self-consciousness. Focusing on the connection with your partner instead of aiming for perfection can help you relax and make the experience more enjoyable. Verbal communication, like any skill, improves with practice and mutual understanding.

Advanced Techniques to Enhance Intimacy

Incorporate Dirty Talk During the Day

Building intimacy doesn’t have to start in the bedroom. Using flirty texts or playful comments throughout the day can create a sense of anticipation and excitement. A simple message like, “I can’t stop thinking about how amazing you felt last night,” or “I’m counting down the hours until I see you,” can set the tone for an intimate evening. These exchanges build emotional and sexual tension, making your time together feel even more charged.

Narrate the Moment

Describing what you’re experiencing in real time can make intimacy more immersive and personal. For example, saying, “Your touch feels incredible,” or, “I love the way you respond to me,” reinforces connection and keeps both partners present in the moment. Narration also allows you to guide your partner or express gratitude, making the experience feel collaborative and rewarding.

Be Spontaneous

While planning phrases or scenarios can be helpful, leaving room for spontaneity keeps things exciting. Let natural sounds, reactions, and expressions flow without overthinking them. Whether it’s a soft moan, a whispered compliment, or an unexpected declaration of desire, these unfiltered moments add authenticity and passion. Spontaneity helps you stay attuned to the energy of the moment, making your connection feel raw and genuine.

Discussing Preferences and Boundaries

Open conversations about preferences and boundaries are essential for building trust and creating a safe, satisfying environment for both partners. These discussions ensure that intimacy remains respectful, comfortable, and mutually enjoyable. Clear communication helps you align expectations and explore new possibilities without fear of crossing personal limits. Here’s how to approach it at different stages of intimacy:

Before Intimacy: Start by having an open, relaxed conversation about what each of you is comfortable saying or hearing. This can include discussing specific words or phrases, exploring fantasies, or setting clear boundaries around topics that might feel too sensitive or uncomfortable. For instance, one partner might express excitement about trying dirty talk, while the other may prefer to start with soft, encouraging phrases.
During Intimacy: Checking in during the moment shows attentiveness and ensures that both partners remain comfortable. Simple questions like, “Is this okay?” or, “Do you like this?” invite honest feedback while maintaining the mood. These moments of reassurance not only respect boundaries but also enhance intimacy by showing care and responsiveness.
Afterward: Reflect on the experience together by sharing what felt good and what could be improved for next time. Phrases like, “I really loved when you said…” or, “I wasn’t sure about this part, but I’d like to try it again,” encourage open dialogue without criticism. This post-intimacy feedback helps you grow as a couple and explore new layers of connection.

By openly discussing preferences and boundaries, you create a foundation of trust that allows for greater exploration and enjoyment. These conversations may feel vulnerable at first, but they foster a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires, enriching both the emotional and physical aspects of your relationship.

Practical Tips for Getting Started

Getting started with verbal communication during intimacy might feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. By taking small, manageable steps, you can gradually build confidence and incorporate language that feels natural and exciting. Here’s how to ease into it:

Start with Soft, Loving Phrases: Begin by expressing affection and admiration in simple terms. Say things like, “You feel so good,” or, “I love being close to you.” These gentle affirmations are easy to say and create a foundation for more expressive communication.
Gradually Add Descriptive Language: As your comfort grows, incorporate sensory-focused details. Instead of just saying, “You’re amazing,” try adding descriptions like, “Your skin feels so soft,” or, “I love the way you move.” These phrases make the experience more vivid and personal.
Experiment with Flirty Texts During the Day: Build anticipation by sending playful or suggestive messages when you’re apart. For instance, “I can’t stop thinking about last night,” or, “You’ve been on my mind all day.” This helps you practice verbal expression in a low-pressure setting while enhancing intimacy throughout the day.
Practice Asking Engaging Questions: During intimate moments, ask open-ended questions to invite your partner’s input and participation. Questions like, “Do you like it when I touch you here?” or, “What do you want me to do next?” foster mutual understanding and help you feel more confident speaking up.

By starting with small, thoughtful steps, you can gradually expand your verbal communication repertoire. Focus on authenticity, keep experimenting, and enjoy the deeper connection that comes with open expression.

Things to Say During Sex: Closing Remarks

Expressing yourself verbally during sex is a powerful way to enhance connection and deepen intimacy, creating moments that feel more personal and fulfilling. Whether you explore dirty talk, soft encouragement, or heartfelt affirmations, the key is to find what resonates with both you and your partner. Start with simple phrases, experiment at your own pace, and let your authenticity guide you. Verbal communication isn’t about perfection—it’s about building trust, sharing desires, and enjoying a more connected, satisfying experience together. So, what will you say tonight to make your connection even stronger?